Chews Landing, NJ and North Hampton, PA.  You sexy bastards, you.

Hi everyone. This past weekend I split my time between Jersey on
Friday and Saturday in Pennsylvania. (PA and NJ from here on out,
because it’s easier.) The shows were fundraisers so the rooms were packed and as usual, the audience members all knew each other and were ready for a raucous evening of comedy and having someone make fun of their crappy little town.  I was happy to oblige.

The show was held at an American Legion in Chews Landing, NJ.
American Legions are apparently places that entertain war vets with
comedy shows and hot dogs. Not that there weren’t stale chips and
pretzels there for them as well, mind you. It’s like they were saying, “Thanks for serving our country…here’s your hot dog and a dick joke.”

The place was packed with about 175 people showing up, so basically
the whole town. There were a whole lot of gray hairs sitting in the
back and I didn’t know how they’d react to the racier stuff, but as
it turns out, old ladies like it dirty.

The show went really well. I did about 40 minutes and had a great time. After my Halloween material a large man came up to me and gave me a Jell-O shot. He said “Happy Halloween”. Too bad Mom wasn’t there to get all excited. The Chews Landing crowd was a lot of fun and I’m glad they were able to pull themselves away from their WaWa’s and their Eckerd’s long enough to have a good time.

The following night was in North Hampton, PA. About 500 miles away
from absolutely everything. It was really pretty there though. The
show was held in a firehouse to support the local volunteer fire
department. I’m not sure how many volunteers they have, or for that
matter, how many fires they could possibly have. I think I saw three
houses on the ride there. If I were them, I’d just leave a bucket at
each house for the next time I had to show up. Must take some of the
suspense out of the fire alarm. “I wonder which of the three houses are on fire.”

Before the show, a family of three asked me something I’ve never been
asked before at a show. “Are you one of the comedians?” Yes. “Are
you funny?” They turned out to be big fans of “Blue Collar Comedy”.
I’m pretty sure they left 10 minutes into the show. I guess there
weren’t enough jokes about rednecks in it for them. There were about
200 people in the firehouse for the show. The food was good…ham,
corn, salad and what I thought was stuffing. Apparently I was
wrong. I met some really funny old women in the kitchen before the
show who reminded me of the old ladies in “Doc Hollywood”. I
said “Oh look, stuffing.” She said, “That’s not stuffing. It’s filling.” Oh. “Do you know the difference between stuffing and filling?” No. “There isn’t any.” She must be the funniest lady in town. Although, well into the show they were still in the kitchen watching from the doorway. They may be funny, but apparently, nobody likes them.

The show went really well. They especially liked the Al Gore material. After I got off stage, one of the old ladies from the kitchen came over to
tell me I was the best one on the show. Looking back, I know I said
thanks…but I should’ve asked her how she escaped the kitchen.